The Romantasy Therapist

Celebrating ways Romantasy helps support our mental health

The Romantasy Therapist is a qualified and experienced relationship and trauma therapist

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  • Is rage ruining your relationship?

    Romantasy couples certainly know how to argue – at least in their enemies phase. Much of their anger and the put-downs result from misunderstanding and quickly morph into banter, into flirting, into love. Cute. Mortal couples’ anger is not so pretty. Many seem to have completely forgotten that they’re on the same side, using their competitive fury as protection and behaving as though to fail could have mortal consequences. They morph from lovers to enemies, often unable to say how or why this has happened.

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  • ECSTACY OR AWKWARDNESS?

    Romantasy couples have great sex. Some of them even produce lightning when they climax –  we all think of Violet and Xaden on a stormy night. But mortals often have a tougher time, and the more worrying sex becomes, the more this anxiety causes problems.

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  • Gratitude

    We have a privileged view of Romantasy characters’ thinking which is often highly relatable. The characters share the same doubts and misunderstandings as the rest of us, sometimes using the same strategies to self-regulate. For instance, while she’s training with the witches, Vaasa in Rebecca Robinson’s The Serpent and the Wolf is asked to name three things she’s grateful for, which she finds uncomfortable and difficult, opting for the first to pop into her head —    last night’s blanket, the current cool temperature and the colour green. Some people find gratitude extremely helpful, keeping journals recording the three things they’re grateful for every day. Others, like Vaasa, find gratitude a bit much.

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  • DO YOU USE BABY VOICE WITH YOUR PARTNER?

    Couples often have a special way of talking to one another, including pet names, funny words and even kooky sounds. They often use a form of baby talk which can make observers uncomfortable, as witnessing the way they interact can feel intrusive, if not a bit gross. It isn’t that there’s anything wrong with baby talk. In fact, it’s a way couples bond, but it is very personal to the couple.

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  • BAD BOYFRIEND?

    In The Book of Azrael, Dianna’s sister Gabby doesn’t understand why she can’t leave her abusive boyfriend Kaden or give up the work he makes her do. Gabby notices the bruises on Dianna, how she is always hypervigilant and jumpy, and wants her to have a more  normal life where they can hang out together more often, as other sisters do. But Dianna made a deal with Kaden which saved Gabby’s life when she was dying. Dianna believes that, while Kaden is happy, Gabby will be safe and that leaving him would be too dangerous.

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  • Are you stuck?

    Romantasy characters undergo a huge amount of change, often not of their own choosing. Obvious examples include Violet Sorrengail in Recbecca Yarros’ Fourth Wing who finds herself joining Basgiath War College as a dragon rider rather than as a scribe, which is what she had always expected. In Sarah J. Maas’ A Court of Thorns and Roses, Feyre finds herself the prisoner of a High Fae Lord, with a much more privileged life than she was used to –  but unable to see her family.   Not only does Vaasa find herself married off to an enemy ruler in Rebecca Robinson’s The Serpent and the Wolf, but she also discovers she’s a witch with magical powers which are hard to control. And Mische, who becomes a vampire in Carissa Broadbent’s Crowns of Nyaxia series, loses everything but keeps on going.  The resilience and determination of Romantasy characters offers hope to readers, especially when they find change difficult to manage in real life.

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  • DO YOU STINK?

    Around the time Freya starts to become attracted to Bjorn in A Fate Inked in Blood, the pair are forced to hide, crouching down, shoulders touching, as they keep a look out for enemy vessels on the coast. As they watch, Freya becomes acutely aware that they’re so close they can smell each other, and even more aware that she reeks of pig. Many of us don’t realise how much our personal hygiene influences our willingness to be intimate.

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  • Sleep!

    ROMANTASY characters have a lot to worry about so, it’s no wonder they often have difficulty sleeping. They do often comment on what helps them to drop off. Sometimes it’s strong faerie wine or a potion, but more often it’s a comfortable environment, sex or helpful self-talk that does the trick.

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  • ARE YOU SWERVING KISSES AND CUDDLES TO AVOID SEX?

    Do you swerve hugs and kisses with your partner in case it leads to something more sexual? In Romantasy, one or other or both of a couple often avoid being too close in case they succumb to sexual temptation. This is usually either because they think the other one isn’t really attracted to them or because they still feel they should see the other as an enemy. They’re generally over that pretty quickly, however,  and soon can’t keep their hands off each other.  In mortal humans, it’s often not quite so simple.

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  • YOUR SECRET CONNECTION

    COUPLES in Romantasy often sense a connection between them, even when the way they’re both behaving and speaking suggests they’re enemies. For instance, for no reason she can make out,  Mische from Carissa Broadbent’s The Songbird and the Heart of Stone, feels an intimacy between herself and Asar though they have only just met. Mortals also experience that strong sense of connection.

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