The Romantasy Therapist

I wonder if you’re the kind of person who always accepts responsibility for other people’s stuff ups.

In Danielle L Jensen’s A Fate Inked in Blood, Bjorn points out to Freya that she is willing to take the blame for everything, whether she is really accountable or not.

Read more: Too much responsibility?

This is a self-protective trait which is often learned in childhood when adult carers are unable or unwilling to take responsibility. It’s easier for the child to accept blame than to make the adult angry by denying responsibility. Freya certainly comes from a family that finds personal accountability very challenging and expect her to carry their burdens while dismissing her own problems. Her issues are treated as far less important, and when this happens people become ashamed of attending to their own needs.

This  can become an unhealthy habit that’s very hard to break. It makes it more likely that the person will tolerate bullying, even abusive, behaviours.

What makes it even worse is that sometimes people beat themselves up because they know they shouldn’t be taking the blame for someone else, but it just seems to keep on happening.

Though it would obviously be better to stop, it isn’t easy, Our brains become wired to behave in these ways. So It’s important to be kind to the part of you that always caves in and apologises even when it’s completely unjustified.

Often, taking responsibility becomes such second nature that people really assume it must be them that’s wrong, especially when someone else encourages them to believe this.

You have to really make a conscious effort to change.

Try to think twice before you accept blame. It’s absolutely right to own up if you think you’ve been wrong or unfair, but try not to collude with other people’s unfairness towards you.

It takes time to completely change any habit, but why not give it a try? . Even if you only occasionally make tiny changes, it’s a great start you can gradually build on.

Do comment to let me know how it goes, and don’t forget to follow if you want to know more.