As soon as November arrived, Christmas stealthing began turning to full on Christmas embracing for some people. Though there are still pumpkins and skeletons on some front steps and in gardens, there are also already a few Christmas lights in windows and on trees, and people are beginning to showcase their indoor decorations on social media. Social media is also making fun of the differences in approach between partners where one dives into Christmas on November 1st and the other has a strictly save-it-until-December kind of approach.
Read more: Is it too early for Christmas decorations?
Families who agree with early festivities can share the happiness it brings, tuck into the mince pies and get creative with the paper chains. For those who disagree, it can cause arguments and tension, though you’d think Christmas decorating would be a fairly trivial issue to fall out over. Putting up decorations early doesn’t actually inconvenience the other partner, unless they’re roped in to help, so you might wonder why they can’t just chill and indulge. Well, it’s actually not that simple. This year in particular, people are feeling fed up and looking for ways of bringing joy to their lives. Some are taking inspiration from the pandemic, when many people put up their Christmas decorations much earlier and kept their lights up until Easter. Instant joy. Except some people feel it makes Christmas less special. They relish having to wait for Christmas food, decorations, outings and activities because looking forward to all this makes them feel as good as when they are experiencing it. For them, too much of a good thing devalues it.
Looking forward to anything triggers the release of feel-good hormones, which is one reason that some of us don’t like surprises. We feel we’ve missed out on the lovely anticipation of a treat. So suddenly finding your home looks like Santa’s grotto, when you’d begun looking forward to this happening in a month’s time, can be genuinely dysregulating.
For some people, loyalty to their family of origin traditions is also important. It doesn’t seem right to them to change what they grew up with, and they may already have struggled with a partner’s innovations. When there are cultural and religious differences between partners, they may have serious clashes where offence is taken and one or both partners feel disrespected and hurt. Yet this can often be overcome with some timely discussion.
It’s very important to feel justified in explaining your reasons for or against an early Christmas — or anything else for that matter. Unfortunately, rather than explaining our own position, many of us are more inclined to belittle the other person’s reasoning, despite not revealing our own. It may be that both arguments seem trivial, so there’s embarrassment about wanting something so small, superficial or personal. But if it matters enough to really want it, surely it’s worth discussing why. Many arguments could be avoided at Christmas, and any other time, if we were all better at sharing our intentions and talking about our needs. There’s often a compromise which will satisfy everyone, and avoid rows and hurt feelings. TRT
The Romantasy Therapist 
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