We have a privileged view of Romantasy characters’ thinking which is often highly relatable. The characters share the same doubts and misunderstandings as the rest of us, sometimes using the same strategies to self-regulate. For instance, while she’s training with the witches, Vaasa in Rebecca Robinson’s The Serpent and the Wolf is asked to name three things she’s grateful for, which she finds uncomfortable and difficult, opting for the first to pop into her head — last night’s blanket, the current cool temperature and the colour green. Some people find gratitude extremely helpful, keeping journals recording the three things they’re grateful for every day. Others, like Vaasa, find gratitude a bit much.
In Vaasa’s case, there’s a coming to terms with her life to date, the strange situation she finds herself in and how this has affected her thinking and behaviour, becoming more open to interventions like gratitude which make her think as time passes. Basically, gratitude can just be about recognising elements of our lives which are positive. This can be as simple as being grateful for fresh air, the sunset, our pets, coffee or Romantasy books. Or we can be grateful we’re healthy or feel better today than yesterday, or we may be grateful to someone for helping us or just being there. What’s really fascinating is that mindfully recognising positives gives us a healthy endorphin hit. What’s even more amazing is that sharing the positives with other people can give them a hit of feel-good hormones as well.
You’ll probably have noticed that some people are great to be around, making others feel relaxed and more cheerful. This is often because they have a positive approach and will comment on the beautiful sunset or the delicious coffee, drawing others’ attention to what’s good in their life and sharing their joy. While this is infinitely more pleasant than being with people who do nothing but complain and seem never able to appreciate anything, it’s important not to make someone feel uncomfortable about their low mood and difficulty in feeling just okay, let alone joyous.
ASHAMED OF EMOTIONS
Some people are too good at looking on the bright side, making others feel uncomfortable about normal emotions like sadness or grief or minimising their pain. All emotions are important, but many people feel ashamed of showing emotions others than happiness and, weirdly, anger. Anger is a universal emotion which often stands in for a real feeling that people don’t like or believe is unacceptable. Indeed, Vaasa says she prefers feeling angry to being vulnerable. She may be one of many people who find it hard to name and recognise emotions of any sort. This can make it more difficult to be able to properly recognise any emotions, positive or negative, even though it’s normal to experience quite drastic changes in emotions over the course of a day.
If gratitude gives you the ick or makes you feel you ought to be positive, try just thinking of three things you’ve enjoyed and three things you’ve achieved each day. These are best kept simple, though they may overlap – you enjoyed a walk, you went for a walk, for instance.
When we feel envious of other people’s experiences, it’s often because of the way they describe what happened. They’re grateful for this opportunity, they don’t’ mind sharing what fun it was and they own their achievements – and they may regret not being able to stay longer or do more. There’s plenty of emotion expressed there!
Takeaway
Never feel bad about having feelings. Try to recognise them and mindfully appreciate them, good or bad. TRT
The Romantasy Therapist 
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